'Allo 'Allo!: Series 1 and 2

Meet Ren?, the most wanted man in occupied France. Women want his body. The Resistance want his brain. And the Nazis want his sausage. In a small caf? in Nouvion, France, this harassed proprietor is having a difficult war. He is not frightened by the Gestapo; he is not frightened by the Germans; he is not even frightened by the French Resistance. But his wife Edith scares the living daylights out of him !

Series 1
The British Are Coming - The Village of Nouvion in Occupied France, 1941. Two escaping British airmen are sent by the French Resistance to hide in Rene’s Café, a small dining establishment. But nobody at Rene’s speaks any English, and no one is ready for the intrigue that follows.

The Fallen Madonna - Enter Herr Flick of the Gestapo, who begins to investigate the disappearance of a valuable painting, The Fallen Madonna. Why are Colonel von Strom and Captain Goering lending their uniforms to the British airmen?

Pigeon Post - Fearful of being caught in the German uniforms and being shot as spies, the British airmen burn those uniforms. This reduces Colonel von Strom and Captain Goering to dressing as French onion-sellers.

Saville Row to the Rescue - Still disguised as onion-sellers, the Colonel and Captain are waiting on tailors in London (under direction of the Resistance) to sew them new uniforms. But Herr Flick is looking to infiltrate the ranks of the onion sellers.

The Execution - René is on his way to blow up the railway, which Captain Goering has already destroyed accidentally. Rene is captured by General von Klinkerhoffen, who demands of Colonel von Strom that Rene be shot. Lieutenant Gruber gives the command to fire!

The Funeral - After Rene’s supposed execution, Herr Flick insists that his funeral be attended by senior officers to seek out the members of the Resistance. René has come back as his own twin brother, also named René, who now must plan for his own burial.

Red Nick’s Colonel - In retaliation for the killing of Rene, the Communists kidnap the Colonel and the Captain. Luckily, in the process of escaping the Communists with the assistance of the Gaullist Resistance, the officers manage to get back The Fallen Madonna.

The Dance of Hitler Youth - The Germans celebrate the burning of the Reichstag (by having the young girls of Nouvion dress as Hitler Youth and perform Bavarian dances). Meanwhile, René and Edith don disguises to attempt to substitute a forgery of The Fallen Madonna for the real painting.

Series 2
Six Big Boobies - Herr Flick now has not only The Fallen Madonna, but two forged copies as well. René thinks that things around the café are returning to what passes for normal when the escaping British airmen turn up again, this time disguised as nuns.

The Wooing of Widow Artois - Bad news for Flick. Hitler wants his painting. Flick decides to conceal the real painting inside a sausage in Rene’s café and send Der Fuhrer one of the forgeries. The airmen now conceal themselves in a cow costume to try to escape.

The Policeman Cometh - British Intelligence send in Officer Crabtree disguised as a French Policeman to help the airmen. He parachutes into the top of a tree just as the duo, still disguised as a cow, are attempting to escape.

Swiftly and with Style - René and the Captain take Gruber’s armored car in an attempt to blow up the train containing the sausage with the forged painting on its way to Hitler. Meanwhile, Edith is courted by Mssr. Alphonse, but she decides to marry René instead.

The Duel - Mssr. Alphonse is mortally insulted that Edith would chose René over him and challenges Rene to a duel with pistols. The Colonel helps René in his predicament by ordering troop maneuvers at the site of the duel.

Herr Flick’s Revenge - The Colonel and Captain are imprisoned by Herr Flick who wants to learn the whereabouts of the real painting. René and company sew together a balloon from knickers they have been stealing all around Nouvion, that balloon to take the British airmen away.

René Artois	---	Gorden Kaye
Edith Artois	---	Carmen Silvera
Yvette Carte-Blanche	---	Vicki Michelle
Mimi Labonq	---	Sue Hodge
Madame Fanny La Fan (Edith's mother)	---	Rose Hill
Michelle (of the Resistance) Dubois	---	Kirsten Cooke
Monsieur Roger Leclerc	---	Derek Royle
Colonel von Strohm	---	Richard Marner
Lieutenant Hubert Grüber	---	Guy Siner
General Erich von Klinkerhoffen	---	Hilary Minster
Private Helga Geerhart	---	Kim Hartman
Herr Otto Flick	---	Richard Gibson
Herr Engelbert von Smallhausen	---	John Louis Mansi
Monsieur Alphonse	---	Kenneth Connor
RAF Flight Lt Fairfax	---	John D Collins
RAF Flight Lt Carstairs	---	Nicholas Frankau
Officer Crabtree	---	Arthur Bostrom
Captain Alberto Bertorelli	---	Gavin Richards
Louise	---	Carole Ashby

Produced and Directed by David Croft
Written by Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft, Paul Adam, John Chapman, Ian Davidson, Ronald Wolfe, Ronald Chesney

Officer Crabtree's spectacularly bad French was inspired by former British Prime Minister Edward Heath, who was never mistaken as a native speaker of the language